You know, I thought holidays were different, but if you don’t have people to be with, then it’s just another day, except you’re dressed up.
I spent the whole day waiting for someone to give me permission, no, to give me an excuse. An excuse I could use to make myself feel better for how shitty my life is. I say I want to be a writer, newsflash I have nothing to say. I bring men back into my life because I think that maybe the only time somebody actually paid attention to me, that maybe that holds any weight in the world, but no. Everyone has had plenty of people in their life and I’ve only had one. I’ve only had one guy look at me and play the part right. Sure, deep down I might've known it was all bullshit, but it still felt nice.
I can’t help but be like every other loser before me who convinced themselves that staying comfortable, staying isolated, would result in something positive.
I’ve rested peacefully within these four walls for years. I fear as my 20’s have emerged, I’ve realized that I’ve possibly embraced something out of habit. I can’t actually recall a time I felt comfortable laying low, just being a spectator. I live in my mind so much I’ve forgotten I haven’t experienced anything.
I long for greatness. How can I be great if all I can give the world is a fantasy? A daydream?
I just wasted another day pretending something would happen, but instead I’m locked up in my room, again, just watching.
In order to move a generation forward, I must speak and write the truth. I can’t do that by staying inside.
WATCH THE EPISODE BELOW.
